I am on the cusp of everything. Legit. Just as an FYI, to anyone who wanted to know.

Lots of things could go very good or very bad for me in the immediate future. Either way, there will be change. Major change. It's scary. It would be even if things looked to go totally good.

Also, I've been sick for several weeks straight. My current theory is that I got sick twice in a row. And, further, that god hates me.

The plus side of my impending transition of EVERYTHINGNESS is that I think once I've settled down (however long that takes) I'll actually be able to force myself to do creative writing again. Right now I just don't seem to have the starch.

Is NaPoWriMo 2010 really closer than NaPoWriMo 2009, at this point? God, time flies.

I finally completed PoWriMo, albeit a bit late. I have a bad habit of demanding too much of myself, so I'm rather proud to say that I'm OK with being late in finishing- I've had a lot going on in my life besides the compulsion to meet PoWriMo's quota/deadline! I wanted to get my 30 poems in, though, especially given how much I had been looking forward to PoWriMo in the months preceding it.

Like last year, I found it therapeutic to dip into the intense experiences, memories, emotions, etc. that I did. Again, the time pressure of PoWriMo and the desire to come up with a poem worth a damn was not only motivating, but often disinhibiting. This is a good thing if you want good poetry, I think- it has to come from someplace real.

Since PoWriMo '08 I've rather clearly gone through some major heart-hurt, and (I hope) growing up as well. Some of the poems I wrote helped to process and pin down disconnected bits from the last year that liked to rattle their bones around in my psyche but hated to be succinctly looked at in full light. I know some things I'll never know, or see the same way from every angle. I've learned that for things like that, every faucet can be a poem. If life were linear, straightforward, coherent and cohesive, we wouldn’t have had to invent poetry to describe it.

Last year, stylistically, I was experimenting with punctuation (overuse of that fun little "&" symbol especially). This year I started paying more attention to line breaks and spacing. I have realized (with a bit of amusement) that poems look far more poem-y when they contain artistic spacing and line breaks. Almost all the poems I did were open poetry, but I was often trying nevertheless to maintain some visual effect- line length, number of lines per stanza, placement of certain line openers, variety in line openers, etc. It's probably a duh-duh thing, but I had been, I think, getting kind of lazy about the visual aspects of my own poetry.

This year's 30 poems: NaPoWriMo, 2009

Last year's 30 poems (for comparison, if you're curious): : NaPoWriMo, 2008

Last year's wrap-up journal (also for comparison, if you're curious): Thoughts on NaPoWriMo, 2008

So, I just blasted through my inbox. 98 devs and like 24 messages (which multiplied as I went!), I'll have you know. Didn't comment on every single dev but I think I came pretty close. The people I watch are wonderful artists and writers and have collectively just gotten me *that* much closer to carpal tunnel.

I am at that wonderful point in grad school where I have school, a job where I get paid, and a job I pay to work at (i.e. internship). I am at that wonderful point in the semester where a clusterfuck of things are due at once in my classes and a separate but probably related clusterfuck of things have been assigned to me at work (the one I'm paid to be at). My internship is *always* a clusterfuck. It's a very educational clusterfuck that I consider to be a valuable learning experience, mind, but I also somehow managed to land myself (according to my practicum professor) just about the most difficult internship placement setting possible. Leave it to me to find a new way to make life as hard as possible for myself, lol. Also, did I use the word "clusterfuck" enough in this paragraph yet?

I want to do NaPoWriMo again this year. I don't know if a lot has *changed* or if a lot has just *happened,* but either way there are things I want to write about.

I don't think there's anything else I want to write about in this journal, though. Oh, right- happy spring!!!

So I'm takin' a break in the middle of workin' on a project for class (sanity break) and thought hey, why not update DevArt on the Life of Jen.

I am in a thing called Grad School. It's like high school except EVERYONE'S a nerd and we're all old enough to drink. So, many of us do. We also contemplate holding interventions and then chicken out.

Personally, I opt for other ways to drown out my troubles. Lately, my self-anesthetizing has included the Twilight series, dating, self-pity, and My Chemical Romance (the ultimate soundtrack for self-pity). I haven't been much for the creative writing lately. Too self-revealing, even if I did have the time. I have been grappling with the occasional desire to delete my entire gallery here because I worry about what my writing says about me that I don't want people to know. I wish I could go back to just worrying if people would like or dislike the STORIES. I am getting more neurotic by the day. Luckily, it's a minor character flaw that usually gets eclipsed by my general awesomeness.

I have a thing called A Life. It's like having no life except less loneliness and sleep, and more good times and excruciating stress. Also like having a family you're a part of voluntarily and therefore sucks less than the one you're born into. It is also poorly compatible with Grad School. It's completely incompatible with posting stuff on DevArt, apparently. I miss the good ol' days of feeling active in this community though. I go through comment sprees when I can. I do try to comment on most of what comes my way. It just takes a month or more, sometimes, apparently.

Oh, and my family? SSDD; I'm neurotic and they're batshit crazy, we love each other and make each other miserable.

I have something of A Real Job. It's related to Grad School and makes it harder still to have A Life. Further, I am now wearing Work-Appropriate Attire on a regular basis. I am paid to sit at a desk and kill time in front of a computer four days a week. Sometimes I am provided entertainment such as data to enter into excel files. Other days I work on stuff for classes. On really good days I get to run stuff across campus (actually, honestly, I LOVE that). I'd write while I was at work but I don't want anyone reading over my shoulder.

I've revamped my views on morality. Lots. The closest thing to a religion I have is Pastafarianism. I'm kind of not kidding. Wiki it.

I've been on AIM a lot; I got through cycles with that. I know a bunch of people on here used to talk with me on MSM messenger but nobody's been on the few times I popped in. PM me if you want that info. I don't post stuff like that up for all the public to see any more and wish I never had; getting stalked last year changed my outlook on life.

...for opting to try and NOT fuck ourselves and the rest of the world for another four years.